Withdrawing from Pornography

I just realized how strong the pull is to drown myself out and avoid things….in almost every turn.  Maybe its societal, but regardless it is my issue.  There is no finger pointing and even if there is it does not accomplish anything but prolong the problem.  I heard a quote one time that stuck with me….”Your life is not a failure until you blame someone else.”  Kinda intense but I think it is true, because until I blame someone else I still have my power and can overcome things, no matter what has happened.

But I do feel this urge to just vacate the feelings I have….a learned habit undoubtedly.  Since it is learned I can change that habbit.  In Zen, they say that nothing is permanent and everything is changing.  This is absolutely true, although the ruts I have trenched out make it seem like there is no way out.  This is an illusion though, and with heightened consciousness I can move out of the ruts I was never in with to begin with.  Paradoxical??? Just maybe….

I feel like a deer in headlights with these feelings and they will most likely just intensify….scary to say the least.  I want to run back into my cave, but that cave is no longer home to me.  It never satisfied on a deep level, although it superficially gave me a reprieve.

Into the great unknown I head…Vaya con dios!