Withdrawing from Pornography

I have made it through another day without retreating into my addiction.  I had some serious challenges, but was able to work through them.  I really am keeping myself busy and occupied.  This helps, but sometimes it is nice to relax and this is when my mind starts to wonder off.  These are my most vulnerable times because unconsciousness leads me back into the trap of pornography.

I have found a lot of productivity inside myself that I did not know existed.  I feel like I have an extra couple of hours each day.  I am much more vibrant and outgoing.  I want to be out and about accomplishing things instead of laying in my cave.  This is a nice perk from not wasting my vitality through a measly orgasm.  I once heard an orgasm called a “genital sneeze” and had to laugh at the phrase.  It is so true, but I never realized the chemical addiction to that sneeze.  The chemical was what kept bringing me back although I knew that it was hurting me on so many levels.  I used to be addicted to pain killers and I have learned that my pornography addiction targeted these same areas in the brain as the painkillers.  So although I stopped using pain killers, I never really moved beyond the addiction.  It only transformed into another addiction.

I notice something different about my decision this time.  I know that I am putting my full attention and intention into moving beyond this porn addiction.  I know that it doesn’t serve me anymore and knew that  all along.  The big difference this time is that I know I am strong enough to live without it.  This is key because in the past I never believed this.  I always left a door open to return in case things got too tough, which they always did and I always returned to the porn.  I know now that this is not the case.  I have always been strong enough, I just was never ready to move beyond it.  Now I am and am ready to enjoy life and myself.

Day 3 is done……goodnight!!!